ENDO FEELINGS SO FAR... REGULARLY UPDATED

**HANNAH ENDO WOMAN**

Well today is a low day and i came across this topic section and thought 'what the hell, i need to vent, im tired of feeling alone and feeling wrong for being so unhappy'.

Endo is not only a disease that people cannot see but is am emotional torture rollercoaster

Well ever since i was diagnosed at 18 (now 24) i had one partner who i thought cared... well how wrong was i! every time it got to baby making to put it politely it would end up me in agony and him saying well 'what else can i do, not my fault your broken' yeah well that got annoying but i bared with it and didn't take it to heart cause most of the time he was caring an gentle and came to all my hospital appointments. then things changed i got worse had two miscarriages, the rows got more frequent and i ended up in a very very lonely place , trying to deal with the endo and the feelings of depression and constantly looking around at my friends getting married, having babies and moving into places of their own.

I still feel sat on the shelf unable to move on , unable to socialize and bear with the pain and loneliness. i shouldn't be lonely i work full time, i do a part time degree. Its just the lack of a partner , the lack of friends who although still say hi and catch up via email, never actually have time for me.

Thats the last 8 years, this year I vow to get better emotionally if not physically, yeah the endo may have spread and gotten worse but i will carry on fighting and realizing that being alone isn't such as bad thing afterall, its independence, its freedom to do as i choose and as for friends they come and go but as long as im strong then things will be ok.....

(well until the next down day i have , in which case i will vent on here rather than ponder! )

alien

**comfyfeet**

Hello Hannah
The beauty of this place is that you never have to feel alone.
We are all here and are going through it with you.
I completely get what you mean about feeling on the shelf.
All of my friends have partners. Most have babies. Then there is me. Last year I had my 2nd endo ( which is nothing compaired to some of the women on here ) where i had the tissue burned and got told i couldn't have children. That hurt. Alot.
My vow to myself for this year is that i will be a better me. I want to train, even if its a new language or cooking. I want to get to know me again and not the girl with this crappy illness.

Dont feel alone. You have friends here.

Keep fighting.

All my Love x
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There is no snooze button on a cat that wants breakfast.

Some people are like slinkies. Useless but fun to push down stairs.

There is only one of me. I'm an endangered species

**Harrie**

Hi ladies,

Isn't it crappy that this condition has the power to render us all to helpless!! Its an awful condition in itself, the pain it causes, the inconvenience...and then there's the emotional side of it, which to be honest can be worse than the actual pain. Sometimes we can control the pain, but the mood swings, the saddness of it all... we can't.

I too feel that I am fast running out of people to talk too, all my friends are now either married or part of a couple and are having babies!! Its heartbreaking, I know that will never be me, yes my endo is now to an extent under control (3 surgaries later mind) but still this condition has effect me to the extent that I'll struggle greatly to conceive! I know they don't want to listen anymore, they ask how I am, I say and I can that blank look thats like we've heard it all before...and yes they have but thats the big thing with endo it doesn't go away does it....My family I know love me to bits but its not fair to nag them so much with it and my mum herself is not well. Sad

So I know how you feel ladies and thank heavens for this site, you realise it sin't just you that feels this way. More to the point we can moan aload without thinking no-one is listening or oh god they're sick of me...

Chins up and keep smiling xxxxxxxxxx

**christinac47**

well guys feelng really fed up i am sick of have endo i want a bit of happyness in my life ut when your in pain you just don't want to do anythng.i have been told by my gyno that she can not do anythg else for me and i need to go through all this pain every mounh so am just gong to sit down and eat choc tonght as i have ran out of deas until i see my docter tomorrow i wish it would just go away
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i have ad endo had my womb taken out at 23 then at 40 had a golf bag taken out then few mounth later had the ovies removed apart from a 3cm of ovires stuck to my bowel tube they can't remove it as the full bowel tube