guilty?

[samsam19]

Hi all,

I'm new here, and I've been reading some of the posts for a while. I'm having my first appointment with the gynaecologist this wednesday (1st July) because my doctor says that the pain and problems I've been experiencing for the past 8 eight years since my periods started is probably due to Endometriosis. I have heavy periods, sometimes bleed in between and so it's never regular and the pain is just crippling every time for 4-5 days.

Anyway, as you might tell from the title of this post, does anyone else feel that this makes them feel guilty? I have a wonderful boyfriend. He's always known about my period problems because we were best friends for 6 years before he told me how he really felt. We've only been sleeping together for 4 months, and I was never sexually active before this. The thing is, I was expecting it to be painful the first couple of times, but when it gets to the tenth time and I'm sitting there in agony 12 hours later I'm realising that there is something really wrong - the doctors tell me this is all part of the symptoms.

The thing is, I hate this part more than anything. Tom's wonderful and he always comes over when I get sent home from work in pain and gets me my hot water bottle and massive stash of painkillers, but being together in an intimate way is something that's new to us, and so far it's never really been that enjoyable for us. He says that he understands it's because of the condition, but it's got to the point now where we're both avoiding a situation where we might have sex because (in his words) he's terrified of hurting me again.

So this makes me feel guilty, because I know that it has nothing to do with him. We've tried several times to work around it but even when we actually manage to complete the experience I end up lying awake in agony all night, trying not to wake him up with my crying. It makes us both feel awful. But we're going away for a long weekend soon as he goes to America for a year for university, and this is supposed to be a chance for us to have some alone time together, but I'm really worried that this is going to be a a weekend of us avoiding things and making excuses.

I know I shouldn't feel guilty, and that having endo isn't my fault, but I hate for him to feel like I'm rejecting him

[foxylady]

I think I feel guilt more than any other emotion.

Guilty about having time off work
Guilty about cancelling plans with friends/family
Guilty about the fact my hubby is afraid to make love to me in case he hurts me
Guilty that I go to the docs a lot

I think I have a guilt complex. That's what endo does to you.

[GemmaWhite]

I feel guilty constantly, always worry about letting my boyfriend down especially when i don't want to go out, or i want to wallow on the sofa with chocolate, or when it hurts too much to have sex with him.
I hate letting people down when i can't leave the house because i feel so ill, or when i can't go into work.

Seems that since getting this i feel guilty for everything, damn endo!!

[xdiamonddebx]

Unfortunatly guilt is something we cant help feeling and i still do. Make sure you talk to this wonderfull guy and let him know how you feel and listen to him when he says its ok, you have been friends for a long time and he sounds like a keeper. My partner is wonderfull and there is times where he gets frustrated with me because i keep appologising to him and i should listen to my own advise, he told me that if he said its ok then he means its ok and he wouldnt say it if he didnt mean it. There is more to a relationship than sex and there are other things you can do until you get some relief and hopefully the docs will find something that helps.